Eye Contact: Gateway to a Man’s Strength
In the game of attraction, one of the critical points that separate the master seducers from the average guy is great eye contact.
It doesn’t matter who you are or how good you are with women, you can reduce blowouts or rejections by having better eye contact skills.
… It has been said that a man’s eyes are the gateway to his soul, and by looking into them you can see the strength of his spirit.
What do you think women see when they look into your eyes?
Let’s find out…
The First Test of Strength:
When you meet a woman for the first time, you must maintain steady eye contact.
An easy way to do this is to focus on just one eye. I usually just take my right eye and look at her right eye. This makes it easier to focus without darting back and forth.
When you’re at a party and you approach a girl you like, it’s important that you try keep consistent steady eye contact until you see some signs of attraction. This doesn’t mean keep your eyes totally glued on hers, but keep your gaze on her as much as possible. Every time you break your eye contact, it gives the woman the opportunity to decide where or not she’ll keep listening or just leave.
It’s the same thing when it comes to an aggressive dog — if you stand firm and look a dog right at his face, the dog will bark, but will not charge you. The dog will recognize that your frame is stronger than his, and will back down. It may even let you pet it. However if you look away or turn away, the dog will often continue it’s aggression.
The Screening Frame:
When you look a woman in the eye while speaking, the woman often feels that you are screening her. This may be subconscious, but it sets off an auto-pilot response to start self-monitoring. This self-monitoring may often show in the form of preening (fixing her hair, touching her face, etc.) Regardless, she will feel like she’s put in an intense spotlight, so bright that she can barely pay attention to what you’re saying.
You notice this a lot when you give women solid eye contact and they utter “what…” followed by a nervous, self-monitoring smile. If you do it right, she’ll often feel an momentary surge of inexplicable attraction for you.
This is how powerful eye contact is. (You can use eye contact alone without saying anything special and get a woman attracted.)
Notice how Mickey Rourke doesn’t take his eyes off Kim Basinger and follows her eyes even as she tries to look away.
This is a very seductive technique.
He’s not glaring at her, but displaying his confidence and interest through his eyes.
“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
This is why when you first meet a woman you must stick to strong eye contact so that you can control the frame.
The point here is not to make her feel inadequate, but come off as a strong and dominant alpha male, not the weak beta male who darts his eyes away nervously in the presence of a woman.
Your eye contact, or lack thereof, will tell a woman volumes about you. It shows her that you are grounded, confident, and completely secure. You don’t care what others think of you. You become the judge. You’re showing that you’re screening her to see whether she’s good enough for you.
If you can’t look a woman in the eye and maintain eye contact, she will see you as insecure and nervous, and she’ll be the one screening you.
If you’re at a party and you see a girl you like, she might catch you looking at her from a distance. At this moment, you must never look away first. Because the moment you decide to approach her, she may not be as receptive towards you, because she has already written you off as a bit unsure of yourself. You’ve given her the upper hand.
Most guys will look at a woman, and then when she looks back, immediately look away. It’s a natural response that is easily built since childhood. We see little kids do this all the time – they stare at people and when they get caught they quickly dart their eyes away to the ceiling or something else.
It’s rare to have strong eye contact unless you were raised that way or worked on it at some point in your life.
Do not give her eye contact one hundred percent of the time. That’s just creepy.
When she’s talking to you and you’re listening, you should make eye contact about seventy percent of the time. The rest of the time you can look around you, left, right, or up – but don’t look down – it’s a sign of submission and nervousness.
When you’re the one talking try to give her strong eye contact, except when you’re thinking about something – it’s natural to look away.
Once your eyes meet with a woman, wait until she looks away first. If she looks into your eyes for more than three seconds, it may be an invitation to approach her. If she looks up at you again, smile, wave, or go up and say hi. Just the fact that you didn’t dart your eyes will set you apart from all the other guys.
Remember, too much eye contact and you could be seen as aggressive. You want to show her that you can maintain solid eye contact on the first meet, when you’re introducing yourself, but after that you can look away.
Sometimes it’s good to look away from a woman, just at the right time – the best time is when she’s clearly attracted to you.
When I’m at the club talking to a girl and it’s clear she’s attracted, sometimes I’ll look around at the club, and it’ll make her try harder to get my attention. When you do this it shows her that she’s not THAT special and you could move on at any time. It shows her she’s not your only hope and you know you have other options, this will increase her attraction for you.
How to Tell She’s Attracted Through Her Eyes
The advantage of keeping good eye contact is that you can also be scanning for cues to see whether a girl is attracted to you. The eyes are windows to the soul and are one of the most accurate ways of telling if she is attracted to you.
A girl will start to gaze deeper into your eyes as she gets more attracted.
If a woman is truly attracted or aroused, she’ll maintain eye contact throughout and her pupils will become dilated. Our eyes do this when we’re focused on something and we want to observe more of it.
Check her blink rate. If she’s attracted her blink rate may go up slightly and she may flutter her eyes more often.
After you’ve built some rapport, and you catch her looking at your mouth, she might be wondering what it’d be like to kiss you.
She can also start to subconscious bite her lips…
Or start showing more of her tongue…
If she winks at you in the middle of a conversation or even from a distance, she’s obviously interested you.
Also watch if she twirls her hair around her fingers or perhaps strokes her hair lightly with her hand while maintaining eye contact.
If you know that she’s attracted through most of these cues, then you need to act.
Something I personally do to create some more sexual tension through is reply to these cues with some deep gazing. Refrain from saying anything at one point for a good five to seven seconds, while gazing into her eyes with a “you’re a bad girl” squint. Add a slight smirk on your face.
She’ll then probably ask, “what?” like she has something on her face. Stare at her left eye, then her right, then down at her lips, then back up at her eyes. As she talks, keep doing this with your eyes and it’ll make it clear to her what you want. If you catch her looking at your lips at any point here, this is when you start moving in for a kiss. If she says “what are you looking at?” in a weirded-out tone, just say “I just noticed something about you…but I’m not going to tell you,” and look away, or say “not much,” with a smile. She’ll probably respond with something like hit you playfully, creating even more attraction.
Practicing Your Eye Contact
Here are some ways you can practice good eye contact:
1) Lock eyes with yourself in a mirror
Practice this everyday, until you can hold this for a few it minutes without changing your expression.
2) Practice on people you pass on the street
If you’re really bad with automatically darting your eyes when someone looks at you, you can first start out with mirrored or dark sunglasses. This way, when you’re tempted to automatically look away, you’re always reminded that they can’t see your eyes.
Observe how other people manage their own eye contact and take mental notes of what it communicates. This way you’ll start to see and really understand what type of eye movements show nervousness, and what type of eye contact shows strength or confidence.
Without any sunglasses, try to make eye contact with every woman you see on the street. Hold it for as long as you can. Give them a nod and a smile if that helps. You should practice this until you get to the point where you can lock looks with them until they break it first. In most cases, she’ll look down from your stare, which is a sign of submission. (Not always a sign of interest, mind you, but it is a good sign of your dominance.) Learn to enjoy it when a woman looks away in embarrassment.
3) Practice on Store Clerks, Cafe Baristas, and Bar Staff
If you are having trouble staring directly in someone’s eyes, practice on baristas, store clerks, and bartenders. If you’re ordering something, look them straight in the eye with a smile and tell them what you want. This is a good way to practice because they won’t be weirded out by it – it will actually make their day. Most people don’t look at them in the eye at all, and they feel like non-existent beings that nobody ever acknowledges. Look them in the eye, smile, and say thank you. Usually when I do this the barista or bartender busts into a smile. It’s so rare for them that they sometimes even give me the drink on the house. Try it!
Tying it all together
Something fun you can do at a bar with your eyes is to look above a girl at the ceiling like there is something hanging over her, or look past her over her shoulder. If she sees you looking, she’ll first look at what you’re staring at, and then she’ll turn back to you. Once she turns back to you and stares at you, this is when you bring your eyes back to her. Now she’s the one who got caught checking you out first. You can then go up to her, introduce yourself, and bust her for checking you out. She’ll most likely laugh. Take it from there.
When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are interested you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places.
If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes (yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone’s body language with your eyes).
You don’t want to stand there like a fool and make your goal to just focus on staring into the girl’s eyes – remember to listen to her if she’s speaking. Look for cues as well when you’re talking to her.
The basic components of eye behavior are easy to master, once you know how they work. It is important not to make eye contact look deliberate or controlled. The goal is always to use your eyes in a relaxed way so that you never make others feel uncomfortable.
Here’s a great example of what happens when strangers connect with eye contact alone: