We all know how important body language is in the game of attracting the opposite sex. But what is attractive body language, and what is unattractive body language?
Pinpointing Unattractive Body Language
Bad body language displays unattractive traits like weakness, nervousness, neediness, insecurity, discomfort, and submissiveness.
Here is a quick list of some unattractive body language that will display beta male characteristics:
- Talking to people with arms folded – this gives the impression that you’re closed off, nervous, and uncomfortable. Sometimes we do it as an unconscious way of protecting ourselves
- Nervous fidgeting or energy – unnecessarily touching the face, lips, or neck area can seem like you’re nervous and uncomfortable. This also includes moving around too quickly without control
- Hands in pockets – this comes off the same way when talking to women with your arms folded, it can seem like you are nervous or uncomfortable
- Slumping head or shoulders down – this can display submissiveness or a lack of strength and dominance
- Looking uncomfortable in social situation – constantly looking around, not being able to sit still, not taking up space, looking as if ready to leave, all make a person look uncomfortable and anxious
- Not taking up space – when sitting or standing, avoid caving into yourself, it says that you’re not worthy of attention and entitlement of some territory
- Walking quickly wherever you go – walking around too fast all the time when you don’t have to can display nervousness, like you want to flee the situation
- Leaning in when talking to women – this only really matters in the beginning of your interaction with a woman, as it can display an interest too soon, seeming needy and coming off as creepy
Accentuating Attractive Body Language
Good body language will show alpha male traits and attractive traits like dominance, strength, relaxed confidence, and being at secure with oneself and at ease around a woman.
See if you have all these areas covered when around women:
- Take up space – taking up space shows that you are dominant and displays confidence through a sense of entitled territory, so instead of folding inwards in a crowded area, spread out a little. A good rule of thumb is sitting or standing comfortably like you would if it was your place
- When sitting, spread legs comfortably past shoulder width – you can also slightly lean to one side to look more relaxed instead of being asymmetrical
- Be relaxed – check if any part of your body language is displaying that you are tense. Make sure your arms are uncrossed, you are not sitting in a way where you are about to spring into action, and your body is not tense in any area
- Smile and laugh – being relaxed doesn’t mean you have to have a boring look like you’re about to fall asleep, it means that you’re enjoying yourself and having fun
- Focus your eyes on who are talking – focused eye contact will show that you are present with the girl, and not in your head thinking of your next line, which will send the wrong vibe that you are needy and anxious to please
- Lean back – a simple way to show that you are relaxed
- Avoid being jumpy – low status guys are always jumpy, ready to hop up and please a woman, to do whatever she wants
- Move slow and deliberately – control your movements by moving with purpose instead of in reaction, it’ll display that you are calm and collected in the situation. The dominant alpha male will do what he wants on his own terms, slow and deliberately
- When standing, keep chin up and head up with your back and neck straight – avoid being slumped over, a lot of guys don’t keep their necks straight and this can display a lack of strength and poise. A good exercise for this is to stand with your back against a wall and make sure your head is slightly touching the wall as well
- Feet and legs should be shoulder with apart when standing – show women that you have a package down there you need to work around and make room for
- If you’re holding a drink, hold the drink down by your waist – do not hold your drink in front of your chest, while talking to a woman, it shows defensiveness just like crossing your arms, like you’re guarding yourself
Putting It All Together
Don’t forget that the alpha male attitude comes from the inside out, but working on outer body language can have a profound impact on the thoughts and feelings we harbor inside our minds.
You don’t have to TRY so hard to fix yourself if you see that you do the opposite of most of the things listed here. Awareness is the key. As long as you keep catching yourself and correcting it, that’s all that matters.
Don’t overdo it. Some guys overdo it and it just looks ridiculous. You want it to be subtle and still feel natural to you. The real goal with body language is to have more control over the impressions we make and awareness of the signals we’re giving off.
Use your good judgment and control your body language appropriately to the situation.
For example, leaning back TOO much all the time when talking to people can seem like you are aloof and distant, sometimes leaning in at certain points will show people that you are interesting in what they are saying, or have something exciting to say yourself. But leaning in TOO much can also seem needy. Calibrate to the situation.
Here is an example of it all coming together:
Notice how Brad Pitt is sitting, and talking. He is relaxed, leaning back, spreading out and taking up space, and he moves his hands, head, body slowly and deliberately, with purpose. Edward Norton is slumped over, anxious and fidgety, and seems tense. At the end you can also see the difference in posture when they are standing.
Tip: When moving slow, a great visualization tool is to pretend like you’re moving through a pool of water or sludge. Throughout your day, practice moving slowly as if you’re immersed in a pool of water or sludge. Even when turning your head to look at something, do it slowly.
P.S. – I’m currently working on an e-book, an ultimate style guide that will help any guy find his best style. Keep an eye out for it. [Edit : Here is the ebook : Style For Modern Men Method]