How to Build Unstoppable Confidence

Article by Jae with contribution by guest contributor Tina Su

If you had MASSIVE amounts of confidence in yourself, how would your life be different right now?

What would be different in your career? How would your relationships change?

No matter who you are, you can build unstoppable confidence.

Building self-confidence is something that most people leave to chance. Many settle for the belief that as you get older you’ll just automatically grow in confidence through “experience.”

But waiting for external factors to give you confidence is like building your house on sandy ground. When the flood comes, your house will be washed away and left in ruins.

The majority of men who are active in the dating scene are a good example of this common approach. They try to attract as many women as possible, allowing their confidence with women to grow only when they attract a better woman than their last.

This approach may work, but this type of confidence reveals itself to be weak further down the road.

This type of confidence is built on external validation from women and the responses received, and not from within, and so when the flood comes, their confidence goes with it.

For example, one day a woman might shatter their ego by leaving them for another man, or worse, telling them they are not satisfying any of their needs.

At this point most men will start to doubt their worth and their confidence level will drop tremendously, and it’ll affect the way they approach future relationships. Some men may even find it impossible to recover after they’ve been burned really badly.

The men who are really exceptional with women have an unshakable difference. Their confidence is not grounded upon past experience or external validation, but their confidence is built on the belief that no matter what happens, they can trust that they’ll handle it and take immediate correct action.

So the confidence doesn’t come from how many women you can attract, but comes from being a man who is always moving towards his goals and being unshaken by the inevitable ups and downs of living life.

You can build unstoppable confidence by maintaining a high level of TRUST with yourself. All you have to do is consistently follow through with the tasks you assign yourself. Nothing will give you more belief in yourself than being a highly self-directed person.

A Closer Look at Confidence

Self-confidence = how much we like ourselves.

How much we like ourselves = level of self-dominion.

What is self-dominion? It’s our ability to get ourselves to actually do what we want ourselves to do; in other words, self-discipline and self-trust.

A man who has dominion over themselves has self-integrity – staying true to their words and commitments.

Every time we fail to listen to our inner voice, and do not take action in something that we need to, we lose trust with ourselves and our abilities. This lack of self faith continues to spiral downwardly as we flounder to control ourselves.

How to Begin Building Your Unstoppable Confidence

We’re all familiar with the concept of momentum. When we do something well, regardless of how small the task, we build positive energy and momentum.

The more we proactively direct ourselves and succeed at doing so, we create momentum that sets us on an upward spiral towards unstoppable confidence.

For example, if you just make calls to all of your clients, clean your entire car, and mow the lawn, it will be easier for you – psychologically – to quickly move on to and complete the next task. You will have built the momentum necessary to getting things done, and you are simply riding on that energy and building on previous successes.

On the flip side, when we put off what we want to do or know we should do, we lose momentum, and more importantly, we lose trust in ourselves.

A great way to view this is to imagine that we have a personal assistant. The better they perform on the tasks assigned to them, the more confident we will feel towards their abilities to handle responsibility. Gradually, we will assign more important tasks to them as trust is established. We now have faith in their abilities to follow through. We trust them.

Conversely, if our assistant procrastinates or complete misses deadlines regularly, we will lose faith in their abilities to follow through. We stop trusting them. We stop giving them tasks (at least the important ones), and we start to look for a replacement assistant.

Now, think of ourselves as our own assistant. The more we follow through with actions, the more confidence and trust we’ll establish with ourselves. We will then gain faith in our ability to handle more.

The small wins with ourselves, directly affect how much we like ourselves. Each time we successfully follow through, we build trust in ourselves to keep pushing forward beyond our current comfort zone.

Your ability to take control of yourself and move towards your heart’s deepest desires will give you loads more confidence than any external factors like how much money you have, the car you drive, or how many women flirt with you can ever give you.

13 Tips for Building Momentum

In order to build your self-esteem, you must establish yourself as the master of your own life. Every single minute of your life is a moment you can change for the better.

Most people get stuck when they try to do more than they can handle at the current moment. The trick is to start with where you’re at and go one notch above what you’re comfortable doing.

If you find that you’re on a path towards losing more confidence each day, here are 13 tips to build your momentum towards unstoppable confidence:

1. Start Small - Start with something you can do immediately and easily. When we begin with small successes, we build momentum to gain more confidence in our abilities. Each completed task, regardless of how small, is a building block towards a more confident you. What are some small actions you can take immediately to demonstrate that you are capable of achieving goals you’ve set for yourself? For example, clean out your closet, organize your papers, pay all your bills, or just make that call to that girl already.

2. Create a Compelling Vision – Use the power of your imagination. Create an image of yourself as the confident and self-assured person you aspire to become. When you are this person, how will you feel? How will others perceive you? What does your body language look like? How will you talk? See these clearly in your mind’s eye, with your eyes closed. Feel the feelings, experience being and seeing things from that person’s perspective. Practice doing this for 10 minutes every morning. Put on music in the background that either relaxes you, or excites you. When you are done, write a description of this person and all the attributes you’ve observed.

3. Do Something that Scares You – As with all skills, we get better with practice and repetition. The more often we proactively do things that scare us, the less scary these situations will seem, and eventually will be rid of that fear.

4. Socialize - Get out of the house or setup a lunch date with a friend. Socializing with others will give us opportunities to connect with other people, and practice our communication and interpersonal skills.

5. Set Goals - According to a study done at Virginia Tech, 80% of Americans say they don’t have goals. And the people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetime as people who don’t. By setting goals that are clear and actionable, you have a clear target of where you want to be. When you take action towards that goal, you’ll build more confidence and self-esteem in your abilities to follow through.

6. Do Something You Are Good At – What are you especially good at or enjoy doing? Regularly doing things that you are good at reinforces your belief in your abilities and strengths. I (Tina) can be very efficient with completing errands or administrative work. Whenever I have a few hours filled with ways in which I’ve maximized my time, I feel highly productive and this boosts the confidence have in my abilities as an organized and efficient person.

7. Get Clarity on Life Areas - Get clarity on the life area that needs the most attention. Your self-esteem is the average of your self-concept in all the major areas of your life. Write down all the major categories of your life, e.g., health, relationships, finance, etc. Then rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each area. Work on the lowest numbered category first, unless they are all even. Each area affects the other areas. The more you build up each area of your life, the higher your overall self-esteem.

8. Help Others Feel Good About Themselves - Help somebody or teach them something. When you help other people feel better about themselves and like themselves more, it will make you feel good about yourself. See what you can do to make others feel good or trigger them to smile. Maybe giving them a genuine compliment, helping them with something or telling them what you admire about them.

9. Create a Plan - Having a goal alone won’t do much. Get clarity on your action items. One of the biggest reasons people get lazy is because they don’t have a plan to achieve their goals. They don’t know what the next step is and start to wander off randomly. When you’re baking a cake, it’s a lot easier to follow a set of clear instructions, than randomly throwing ingredients together.

10. No More Comparisons - Stop comparing yourself to other people. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. For example, if you were the only person in the world, do you think you could have low-self esteem? Self-esteem only comes into the picture when there are other people around us and we perceive that we are inferior. Don’t worry about what your neighbor is doing. Accept that it’ll serve you more to just go down your own path at your own pace rather than to compare yourself. Pretend you’re starting over and begin immediately with the smallest step forward.

11. Get Motivated - Read something inspirational, listen to something empowering, talk to someone who can uplift our spirits, who can motivate us to become a better person, to live more consciously, and to take proactive steps towards creating a better life for ourselves and our families.

12. Getting External Compliments - As funny as this point suggests, go find a friend or family member and ask them “What do you like about me?” “What are my strengths?” or “What do you love about me?” We will often value other people’s opinions more than our own. We are the best at beating ourselves up for things not done well, and we are the worst at recognizing what we’ve done well in. Hearing from another person our strengths and positive qualities helps to build a more positive image of ourselves.

13. Affirmations & Introspection - Use affirmations, but in the right way. Some people think that when they’re in a slump, using positive affirmations will help them get out of it. I love affirmations, but I’ve realized you have to use them in the right way. Sitting on your couch and saying “I am highly motivated and productive” does nothing. Say something like “I am sitting here being very unproductive right now, is this the ideal me? What would be my best self?” Your affirmations have to be the TRUTH. Once you’re honest, take the first step towards doing the thing, no matter how small.

Self-confidence thrives on self-dominion. The more power you have in getting yourself to take the right actions, the more self-confidence you will have. Your level of self-confidence affects your happiness and everything you do.

** What did you do the last time you fell into a slump? What has been effective for you in developing your self-confidence? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

This article was written by Jae with contribution from Tina Su. Check out Tina’s website: Think Simple Now, a candidly written lifestyle blog that focuses on finding clarity, motivation, creativity and personal happiness.

All you need to know is compiled in our Method…

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  • Chris C

    Fantastic article.

    Keep them coming.

  • Rey

    thank you so much for posting such informative essay. appreciate it a lot!

  • Unos

    GOLD!

  • Levan

    I really don’t know what to say but this is really an amazing article, I needed this and I really appreciate it, thank you so much.

  • http://www.nealtse.com Nealtse

    Jae, Tina
    Love this article. It’s a topic that’s floated around a lot but I love the way you call it trust in yourself. Trust that you can handle the hardships to come, and WILL handle what needs to be done.

  • KRB

    Wow, I loved this! It’s inspirational in itself and great points are made. Confidence is so important. It affects so many areas of our lives, as stated. And to boost it, step by steps like these are very, very helpful. Thank you so much!

  • http://www.healingphilosophy.com Alex

    Nothing so prospers a man as a proper self-esteem. Great article. I would add that what we do is not as important as what we are. When we know what we are, what we do will come spontaneously. And affirmations can be of great help here.
    Momentum is good in that what we choose to do repeatedly becomes a habit and part of our character. Therefore, contrary to popular beleif, we can choose our character.
    ‘Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts’. Aristotle

  • lola

    This is a great post! Just affirmed what I knew in my heart all along. I’m off to start with that small bit of momentum and hopefully it’ll grow.
    Thanks for posting!

  • lola

    Haha, btw I’m a girl and just stumbled on this page. Nice site =)

  • Joshie

    Good read. Definately going to start some of these steps this easter.

  • truth

    I believe I have massive confidence already, but still have some minuses.

    This post is gold, for example the part where you say “no comparisons”. It is VERY important. I mean, you MIGHT compare yourself objectively like I do. For example, “Wow, that guy has a cool car. What do I have to do to earn this car?” not “Wow, he has a cool car, lucky rich bastard!” Don’t be jelous of others but use these people as motivators.

  • Don

    I think too many people confuse confidence with courage. Knowing you can do something and doing it, is far different than doing something even though you’re not sure you can.

    See, almost everyone has confidence in themselves to a certain degree. We have confidence in our ability to drive, do our jobs, etc… Fear is what keeps us from doing greater things, and that is not something an itemized list can overcome.

    Confidence will allow you to reach your potential, but only time and hard work can allow you to surpass it.

  • http://www.jasonseney.com Jason

    Hey guys, awsome article.

    I’ve been reading Tina Su’s articles for awhile now, and Jae’s for only a few months. I was really surprised to see her contributing here!

    All the points are great, looking forward to more articles.

  • http://www.shuttergap.com/ Kevin

    Excellent post. As much as I view this site for fashion, these articles were what got me hooked a long time ago and this one is perfect.

    After reading this article–or maybe I knew it but this helped to reaffirm it–I realized that I’m in a downward spiral where my confidence is rapidly approaching zero. I hope to use your article as a guide to helping me get back to where I belong and once had been and begin to build the momentum to get back on the horse.

  • http://www.onlinedocumentaries4u.com/ Scott

    Fantastic stuff here…many of them so easy to impliment! I particularly liked #10 – Stop comparing yourself to other people. This one action alone will make drastic changes to your world.

  • JD

    Nice article, but I always wonder when I read about setting up goals when are you done? This way you will always have to set goals to achieve, will you every become that person you imagen yourself to be? And when you are, will you be happy or do you have to set new goals? I feel like this way it’s never going to stop and you’ll never find peace..

  • Tom

    Nice article!

    It’s given me a lot to think about and some great ideas too

    Thanks! x

  • Pal0g

    Bullseye, for me. I have gotten myself to the point described in the article. Little to no trust, and lots of responsibility. How’s that goin, you say? Yeah… not so good.

    So thank you, sincerely, for such a great article (and props to the person who first stumbled it :) Nice find that will begin to make a difference in _my_ life starting now.

  • http://www.anomtejo.web.id tejo

    nice tips for me… thanks! :)

  • http://highprofitnichesites.com Niceh Pro

    Fantastic article! I am already feeling more confident :)

  • Big G

    very nice article. full of truth as usual

  • Amir

    This is just so great.
    I already feel if I follow the steps properly, I can do much better.
    Much appreciated the effort to share the thoughts.
    Amir

  • Kevin M

    Profound stuff! love this site. always informative and useful information and non of the B.S.You always hear 100 different explanations of confidence, but this one is the closest to the truth I’ve heard

  • http://theardzcoholic.blogspot.com/ Rush

    Nice info brother., i’m waiting for the other

  • izayoi

    TRULY AMAZING

  • Omar

    Empowering. This is my second time reading this post. I am unstoppable, I am confident, Nothing can stop me. Thank you for this wonderful post Tina.

  • Matt

    Hey guys, that was a great read. It makes things so much clearer. AWESOME! Thank you.

  • http://charmingrogue.com Adonis

    There is so much bullshit out there on how to gain that elusive level of confidence necessary that it is refreshing to see someone giving practical steps towards achieving it.

    I agree that confidence comes from taking consistent action towards getting what you want.

    Nice read!

  • anon

    So that’s what the sinking feeling in my gut was every time I knew I needed to do something.

    Thank you for this.

  • http://www.ohiomktg.com ellis bill

    And friend and myseld have been arguing about an issue similar to this one! Now I know that I was right. lol! Thanks for the information you posted.

  • http://realtaiji.com S.Smith

    14. Get lots of positive comments.

    Fun post, nice vision. (Thumbs Up!)

  • http://www.1rawgirl.blogspot.com Margo

    That was a very good article and I found it to have extremely useful information in it, that is not only practical but reasonable as well as outlined in a clear and simple to understand outline.

    I look forward to more articles from you :)

    Margo

  • mario

    thanks alot, i had one of those AHA moments when i read the self-dominion part. NOW its time to work on dominating my mind!

  • Fredrik Nyström

    Thank you so much for this article. It’s my own little bible.
    / From a guy in Sweden :)

  • http://www.blank-label.com Blank Label

    great post. i definitely support #6. being able to do something well can really affect how you feel about yourself. especially if you can do it better than most of your peers.

    confidence is important for everyone to feel good about themselves.

  • http://www.stayup.com Alex

    Great post. Thanks.

  • http://twitter.com/2010betting world cup 2010 betting odds

    I agree with your Blog and I will be back to check it more in the future so please keep up your work. I love your content & the way that you write. It looks like you’ve been doing this for a while now, how long have you been blogging for?

  • http://www.bestofyoutube.cz JK

    I love this article, thx for it!

  • James

    The best article I’ve read on confidence. Brilliant stuff!!

  • VinCi

    Golden Words … Deep thoughts .. Kudos, I could relate so many instances .. Thanks for writing!!

  • http://blog.intelligentsia.eu Erik Back

    Great points, and I would like to add: Keep a positive attitude. I have learned that a positive attitude has helped me to my success.

  • Elie Abou Zeid

    Awesome article!! Thanks a million!

  • viral

    Awesome content. Thanks a ton.

  • Matt

    Fucking hostile!!!!!!! love this shit man!