One of the surest ways to display confidence is by having a strong, clear voice that isn’t afraid of being heard.
You don’t have to sound like Barry White or Don LaFontaine (the man who does almost all of movie trailer voices today), but if you have a high pitched voice, it wouldn’t hurt to deepen it a bit more (to sound more masculine and strong), but not so much that it’s obvious you’re trying hard. More importantly though, you should talk in a volume that can move easily across a room, and in a clear tone that everyone can understand.
You’d be surprised how many guys have a problem with low volume, mumbling, or being monotone. It’s really not an area guys pay attention to or make an effort to fix.
Next time you’re in a social setting, look for the guys who have poor vocal projection. Pinpoint what it conveys about that person.
Think about this: Would you be attracted to a woman who sounded like a man? In the same way, most women are not going to be attracted to a man who sounds like a woman.
What impression would you have of woman you just met if she spoke in a weak voice that you could barely hear? Shy? Insecure?
It doesn’t matter what you say if people can’t hear you! Weak voices can give the impression of fear and anxiety, two impressions you don’t want to give.
Why Most People Aren’t Loud Enough
Most people speak quietly as a result of being brought up that way. We’re told from a young age not to be loud or rude, and respect the people around us. This is fine, but it doesn’t help with picking up women.
Almost anyone can speak louder. It’s nothing but a mental block that people have, not a physical one. You just have to become more comfortable projecting your voice.
When I was first working on my voice, I realized that the only thing holding me back was that I cared what other people thought of me. I worried that other people would listen in on my conversations. But I realized I was just being stupid and paranoid because I would never see these people again - why did it matter if they heard me? It was because I was always taught to be mindful of other people, and so I grew up talking in a “considerate volume.” Now if I see that people are listening, I know that they’re probably enjoying listening to my conversations anyway because they are chock full of entertainment and insight. Sometimes I catch people listening in and at the same time smiling, laughing, or nodding their head.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should be running around speaking in a unnecessarily loud volume. The goal is to just have strong voice that the person listening can clearly understand.
Do you frequently have people saying, “what?” or asking you to repeat yourself?
In the game of attraction, one of the critical points that separate the master seducers from the average guy is great eye contact.
It doesn’t matter who you are or how good you are with women, you can reduce blowouts or rejections by having better eye contact skills.
It has been said that a man’s eyes are the gateway to his soul, and by looking into them you can see the strength of his spirit.
What do you think women see when they look into your eyes?
The First Test of Strength
When you meet a woman for the first time, you must maintain steady eye contact.
An easy way to do this is to focus on just one eye. I usually just take my right eye and look at her right eye. This makes it easier to focus without darting back and forth.
When you’re at a party and you approach a girl you like, it’s important that you try keep consistent steady eye contact until you see some signs of attraction. This doesn’t mean keep your eyes totally glued on hers, but keep your gaze on her as much as possible. Every time you break your eye contact, it gives the woman the opportunity to decide where or not she’ll keep listening or just leave.
It’s the same thing when it comes to an aggressive dog — if you stand firm and look a dog right at his face, the dog will bark, but will not charge you. The dog will recognize that your frame is stronger than his, and will back down. It may even let you pet it. However if you look away or turn away, the dog will often continue it’s aggression.
The Screening Frame
When you look a woman in the eye while speaking, the woman often feels that you are screening her. This may be subconscious, but it sets off an auto-pilot response to start self-monitoring. This self-monitoring may often show in the form of preening (fixing her hair, touching her face, etc.) Regardless, she will feel like she’s put in an intense spotlight, so bright that she can barely pay attention to what you’re saying.
You notice this a lot when you give women solid eye contact and they utter “what…” followed by a nervous, self-monitoring smile. If you do it right, she’ll often feel an momentary surge of inexplicable attraction for you.
This is how powerful eye contact is. You can use eye contact alone without saying anything special and get a woman attracted.
Notice how Mickey Rourke doesn’t take his eyes off Kim Basinger and follows her eyes even as she tries to look away. This is a very seductive technique. He’s not glaring at her, but displaying his confidence and interest through his eyes.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
We all know how important body language is in the game of attracting the opposite sex. But what is attractive body language, and what is unattractive body language?
Pinpointing Unattractive Body Language
Bad body language displays unattractive traits like weakness, nervousness, neediness, insecurity, discomfort, and submissiveness.
Here is a quick list of some unattractive body language that will display beta male characteristics:
Talking to people with arms folded- this gives the impression that you’re closed off, nervous, and uncomfortable. Sometimes we do it as an unconscious way of protecting ourselves
Nervous fidgeting or energy - unnecessarily touching the face, lips, or neck area can seem like you’re nervous and uncomfortable. This also includes moving around too quickly without control
Hands in pockets - this comes off the same way when talking to women with your arms folded, it can seem like you are nervous or uncomfortable
Slumping head or shoulders down- this can display submissiveness or a lack of strength and dominance
Looking uncomfortable in social situation- constantly looking around, not being able to sit still, not taking up space, looking as if ready to leave, all make a person look uncomfortable and anxious
Not taking up space - when sitting or standing, avoid caving into yourself, it says that you’re not worthy of attention and entitlement of some territory
Walking quickly wherever you go- walking around too fast all the time when you don’t have to can display nervousness, like you want to flee the situation
Leaning in when talking to women- this only really matters in the beginning of your interaction with a woman, as it can display an interest too soon, seeming needy and coming off as creepy
Accentuating Attractive Body Language
Good body language will show alpha male traits and attractive traits like dominance, strength, relaxed confidence, and being at secure with oneself and at ease around a woman.
See if you have all these areas covered when around women:
Take up space - taking up space shows that you are dominant and displays confidence through a sense of entitled territory, so instead of folding inwards in a crowded area, spread out a little. A good rule of thumb is sitting or standing comfortably like you would if it was your place
When sitting, spread legs comfortably past shoulder width - you can also slightly lean to one side to look more relaxed instead of being asymmetrical
Be relaxed - check if any part of your body language is displaying that you are tense. Make sure your arms are uncrossed, you are not sitting in a way where you are about to spring into action, and your body is not tense in any area
Smile and laugh- being relaxed doesn’t mean you have to have a boring look like you’re about to fall asleep, it means that you’re enjoying yourself and having fun
Focus your eyes on who are talking- focused eye contact will show that you are present with the girl, and not in your head thinking of your next line, which will send the wrong vibe that you are needy and anxious to please
Lean back- a simple way to show that you are relaxed
Avoid being jumpy - low status guys are always jumpy, ready to hop up and please a woman, to do whatever she wants
Move slow and deliberately- control your movements by moving with purpose instead of in reaction, it’ll display that you are calm and collected in the situation. The dominant alpha male will do what he wants on his own terms, slow and deliberately
When standing, keep chin up and head up with your back and neck straight- avoid being slumped over, a lot of guys don’t keep their necks straight and this can display a lack of strength and poise. A good exercise for this is to stand with your back against a wall and make sure your head is slightly touching the wall as well
Feet and legs should be shoulder with apart when standing - show women that you have a package down there you need to work around and make room for
If you’re holding a drink, hold the drink down by your waist - do not hold your drink in front of your chest, while talking to a woman, it shows defensiveness just like crossing your arms, like you’re guarding yourself
Putting It All Together
Don’t forget that the alpha male attitude comes from the inside out, but working on outer body language can have a profound impact on the thoughts and feelings we harbor inside our minds.
You don’t have to TRY so hard to fix yourself if you see that you do the opposite of most of the things listed here. Awareness is the key. As long as you keep catching yourself and correcting it, that’s all that matters.
Don’t overdo it. Some guys overdo it and it just looks ridiculous. You want it to be subtle and still feel natural to you. The real goal with body language is to have more control over the impressions we make and awareness of the signals we’re giving off.
Use your good judgment and control your body language appropriately to the situation.
For example, leaning back TOO much all the time when talking to people can seem like you are aloof and distant, sometimes leaning in at certain points will show people that you are interesting in what they are saying, or have something exciting to say yourself. But leaning in TOO much can also seem needy. Calibrate to the situation.
Here is an example of it all coming together:
Notice how Brad Pitt is sitting, and talking. He is relaxed, leaning back, spreading out and taking up space, and he moves his hands, head, body slowly and deliberately, with purpose. Edward Norton is slumped over, anxious and fidgety, and seems tense. At the end you can also see the difference in posture when they are standing.
Tip: When moving slow, a great visualization tool is to pretend like you’re moving through a pool of water or sludge. Throughout your day, practice moving slowly as if you’re immersed in a pool of water or sludge. Even when turning your head to look at something, do it slowly.
Stay sharp,
Jae
P.S. - I’m currently working on an e-book, an ultimate style guide that will help any guy find his best style. Keep an eye out for it.
