Archive for the 'Dating Tips' Category

The Balance of Masculinity and Femininity

Published
by
Jae
on April 18, 2008
in Dating Tips and Style Tips
. 30,631 views

Hey guys,

I want to share with you a short and simple concept that you can easily apply towards your current image.

Whether you’re just starting to pay attention to your image, going through a complete overhaul, or looking for that extra edge, you’ll need this concept to make the best first impression.

Let’s get straight to it.

The Balance of Masculinity and Femininity

If you’re a straight man, you should look like a straight man. Unless you want to be like Prince, and keep people guessing.

Women are naturally more attracted to men who seem masculine. While we want to dress well, there is a fine line that can bring some guys into looking gay. While women may love gay men for friendships, it’s obviously not the best image for sparking real attraction.

This is a problem for some men, because as they pay more attention to their appearance, they may start becoming mistaken for a gay male or come off as feminine. There is a solution to this, and it has to do with knowing whether you naturally look feminine and making sure there is a balance.

The feminine polarity is always attracted to a strong masculine polarity.

Thus, your image should either display a highly masculine OR neutral polarity.

If you have naturally more feminine facial features or body type, you should create balance with a more masculine appearance. Even with feminine features, you can still increase your image so that on first impression, you come off as highly masculine.

At the least, you should carry not a feminine polarity but a NEUTRAL one. Neutral is neither too feminine or too masculine.

This is all to avoid looking either gay or weak. Which minimizes the masculine polarity that makes it easier to attract women.

If you naturally have masculine traits, you can create a highly masculine appearance by complimenting what you were born with. You also have more leeway to wear clothing that some would say is more “feminine” than most, as long as you don’t fall below the neutral point.

What defines feminine features?

Well, for one, if people sometimes mistake you for a woman, you’re obviously more on the feminine side. If most of your female friends are bigger than you - while they are still considered “skinny” - then you are further down the feminine side of the scale. Do you ever get complimented on specific facial features? For example: do you have “pretty” eyes?

Soft cheeks without a prominent jaw line, perfect skin combined with little to no facial hair, long eye lashes, a poor muscular development, or a lower weight than what is considered healthy for your height, are traits that will create a first impression of you being less “manly.” If you have a combination of these, you may need to counter it with an image that ensures you’re giving off a masculine polarity on first impression.

If this is you, you may be feeling a bit uncomfortable about yourself right now. Don’t.

There is nothing negative about having a more “feminine” polarity. I have feminine features myself, and it’s neither good nor bad. It’s simply a loaded attribute that comes with a very different message than its polar, masculine counterpart.

However, if one has an extremely feminine look to his image, it can lead others to make assumptions such as “weak, insecure, beta” - traits that are very unattractive in the eyes of women.

Why not maximize your potential for attracting women with a more masculine polarity?

If you feel that you are on the feminine side, don’t worry, there is road towards balance.

What defines more masculine features?

Some traits that scientists say are a natural display of “masculinity,” are a prominent jaw line, a wide chest and broad shoulders, a muscular body, and lots of hair.

An easier way to look at all of this is:

Masculinity = Strength and lots of testosterone

Feminine = Weaker compared to the “ideal man” and more estrogen


How to Create Balance

If you’re on the feminine side, here are some examples of how to create a more masculine appearance.

Growing out your facial hair

Here is an example of what facial hair can do:

Leonardo DiCaprio looks a lot more masculine with shorter hair as well as growing facial hair.

Tips for the Skinny Guy

If you’re skinny, start working out if you don’t. These types of things are obvious, and they take time, but what can more easily be changed is the type of clothing you wear.

First of all, avoid overly tight clothing if you’re skinny. This will only accentuate your skinniness. Avoid baggy clothing as well, as they will have the same effect. Make sure your clothing skims your body.

Bring In a Masculine Edge To Your Clothing

Go for clothing that give you a masculine edge. Some examples would be rock inspired clothing, military style clothing, or even classic menswear such as a suit. Be careful with floral print shirts, and pink, as they will only accentuate your femininity.

What’s in fashion right now are military style shirts, with epaulets on the shoulders. It will broaden the look of your shoulders, as well as allude the military association to give it that masculine edge.

Here is an example of Orlando Bloom who wears pieces that create a stronger masculine polarity:

Notice the way he grows out his facial hair, wears a rocker-style shirt, and sports a thick leather band watch that adds thickness to his wrists - all these things add more masculinity to him.

Accessories

Make sure your accessories would never pass as your girlfriend’s accessories. Be careful wearing thin flashy jewelry.
If you naturally have more masculine traits, you can get away with more feminine pieces and not be mistaken for a gay guy. You can wear floral print shirts, scarves for fashion, and easily look good in jewelry.

This does not mean that you have to balance out your natural masculinity with a more “metro-sexual” style. You can dress and groom yourself in a very masculine way, and you don’t have to work really hard at it. Just know that you have the option to dress and groom yourself in a “feminine” way without losing that masculine polarity.

There is a limit to how far you can go with a more feminine appearance though, depending on how naturally masculine you look. You can grow out long hair like Fabio, wear things that most guys can’t, but avoid crossing the fine line between a metrosexual style and passably gay.

The Message to Remember

So assess yourself today and decide if you are naturally born masculine and feminine.

As you continuously build your own unique image, remember the concept of masculine polarity. If you have feminine features, ask yourself “Do I have room to come off as more masculine?” If you’re blessed with masculine features, you have the choice to accentuate your masculinity or create a style that brings out some of your feminine side.

This is an important element in making a stronger first impression with women.

Cheers,

Jae

P.S. - Stay tuned for an article on bracelets!

The Language Of Style (Part 2)

Published
by
Jae
on March 14, 2008
in Dating Tips
. 4,352 views

This is the final part in a 2-part series of articles entitled “The Language Of Style” (co-written by Jae & Theory) Click here for Part 1

The majority of men today will put little effort into outward appearance, and then question why women aren’t giving them more attention.

The fact is that we all want to look better, feel better, and be more attractive to the opposite sex, but it’s just not in our culture as men to talk about our appearances. Women talk about this stuff all the time. Women trade fashion tips and tell each other whose butt looks fat in what. It’s just part of their culture, and these are things that they’re comfortable – and engaged in – discussing.

Along with fashion talk just not being part of a man’s conversations, the American workplace has also become so casual in the past twenty years, everyone is dressing down now. Fathers are no longer giving their children style advice anymore. If you do get good advice from your father, consider yourself lucky. The majority of us are lost and bewildered.

So How Can One Learn This Language?

With nobody to turn to, men are left crawling in the dark by themselves, desperately searching for the door that leads to sartorial wisdom. Inherently, we all know that the way we look matters, but nobody is out there guiding us in the right direction.

As men, we need direction. There was a study done where researchers discovered that by placing a small etching of a fly in public bathroom urinals, there was less spillage. We men need something to aim at.

This means that before you go shopping, you must have a plan. Make a list of things you want to purchase next time you hit the stores. When something catches your eye online or in a magazine, add the item to your list. This will prevent you from aimlessly walking around and merely perusing through each store - wasting time and ending up purchasing something you didn’t want just because the salesgirl said it was “so you.”

With a specific plan in your mind, now you’re at the store with a mission. You go in, get what you need, and you get out. The man’s way. Sounds simple, I know, but does everything have to sound complicated for you to want to give it a try?

The best way to start learning the language of style is by looking at those who know it and begin emulating them.

So surround yourself with style savvy friends or fashion magazines, and make mental notes of what looks good to you. When you see great outfits in fashion magazines, cut them out and save the pages, take note of what is worn and how the outfit is put together. After all, the models are dressed by stylists. Be careful not to get sucked into all the advertising though. You don’t have to buy the exact pieces to look good, focus studying the outfit combinations.

When you’re out shopping, and you happen to see some other interesting items, try it on. This is a simple concept that most men don’t ever bother to implement. The only way to truly expand your style and find what you like is to try it on first. Something you judge won’t work for you at first glance may change entirely once you put it on.

Make sure an item you try on makes you feel good. Maybe it makes you feel sexier, more confident, or says something you’ve always wanted to voice through your clothing.

The biggest sartorial faux pas is dressing in something you dislike. This is not to discourage risk-taking, but risks are usually taken in the direction that the person wants to go.

If you try something on and no part of the item makes you feel better at all, you’ll most likely come off as incongruent because it’s not something that is in sync with any element of your personality, and the uncomfortable body language that accompanies this emotion will amplify the incongruence even more.

Once you begin to really use a language, you’ll figure out how to use it more effectively. Instead of purchasing items that are in fashion, you’ll purchase items because you need them to complete a specific look you want to achieve. It becomes a lot more fun when you know what a certain element of your outfit is presenting about your character.

It takes practice like anything else, you have to learn through trial and error. One of the biggest reasons why most people aren’t willing to learn how to dress is because they believe they need a lot money to learn it. The truth is that you can still find any of the items you want at a cheaper price, it just takes more time.

If you don’t have the money at the moment, try all the items you want at the store as if you have all the money in the world, and then either look for something cheaper, or save up for it.

A great way to get a quick, mini-stylist is to ask a female friend who has an eye for fashion to tag along with you next time you go shopping. She’ll give you the straight facts from a woman’s view and give you the feedback you need before you decide to purchase something. Warning: Unless she knows how to properly dress herself, and has lots of guys in her life, be picky about the advice she gives you. All girls will have varying opinions, make sure she’s the type of girl you’d want to impress.

Also, if you have a girlfriend or a wife, do not be lazy and let her buy all your clothes. Why? For the same reason she doesn’t send you out to buy all her clothes. Unless your girlfriend is a men’s fashion designer you’re not going to look amazing in the clothing she buys you. Go out there and find what you really like instead of having someone dress you in what they like.

Consider getting an image consultant or a stylist.

They’ll save you a lot of time and money in the long run. Once you understand how to shop more effectively for yourself, with a road map towards your goals, you’ll be surprised at how dramatically you can transform your style.

Now go out and learn the language of style. Others will start to understand the best in you.

Above all else, have fun with it.

Jae & Theory

Looking for a total style transformation? 1-on-1 consultations w/ Jae (Kinowear.com author & image consultant) in New York City. Questions? don’t hesitate to contact Jae@kinowear.com


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